she pickpockets steve’s cell on the regular and programs the phone numbers of strange women into his speed dial (steve presses  and panics when a sweet female voice answers, oh I was wondering when you would call! natasha’s told me so much about you!)
she opens a checking & investment account under clint’s name and makes him start putting money away for retirement (natashaaaaa i’m planning to die in a horrible accident before theeeeeen) instead of stuffing his money under the mattress like a fucking convict
she sends bucky a vague but urgent text message. when he arrives with his sniper rifle, two sub-machine guns, knives strapped to his thighs and a fleet of helicopters on his tail, she links her arm through his and drags him to the hair salon (bucky stop glaring at the poor hairdresser through the mirror. he’s shaking so hard he can’t even hold the scissors straight)
sam is frankly offended when she doesn’t turn her attentions onto him. until he realizes that natasha considers him the epitome of a well-adjusted human being. (she still keeps hiding hair straighteners all over his house whenever she visits though??)
the boys get together (Victims of Natasha’s Affection Support Group) one day and talk it over like, we should do something nice and slightly invasive for her too
so they make plans to ””kidnap”” her (actually, they have to inform her well ahead of time bc none of them wants to take the very real chance that she’ll kill them in a struggle), which was basically clint putting a blindfold over her eyes and leading her on a cruise ship and not taking it off until they are at least a mile away from shore.
then bucky presents her with a bikini, which fits PERFECTLY and nat’s like, wow how did you get my measurements, and bucky’s like, i stole some of your undergarments and natasha’s SO TOUCHED
(they all spend a week touring the caribbean and natasha carries a tube of sunblock with her and just casually applies it to the boys at unexpected times
ah! natasha that’s cold! give a guy some warning first!
steve you are literally the color of skim milk, don’t even sass me)
But soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and I fucking read fanfics til four in the morning again
tony walks into his living room one day to see clint on the couch eating cheetos “how did you even get in my house?!” “don’t worry,” natasha says “i let him in.” “hOW DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE?”
clint is like “fuck off i just saved the tri-state area.” “i didn’t hear about anything happening to the tri state area” says tony. “yeah,” clint says "that’s because i do my goddamned job.”
I love how majestic the bald eagle looks from the side
but from straight on it just looks scared and confused
Just like the United States
theres no difference between exercise and black magic both of them hurt your body at first and drain you of energy but the more you dabble in it the more powerful you become
this is the most inspiring thing i have ever read
i’ll just stick to black magic thanks
jk rowling’s reasoning as to why fenrir greyback turned remus into a werewolf:
remus’s father insulted him so he did it as an act of revenge
the actual reason greyback bit remus:
the temptation to succumb to the fact that biting remus whose name literally means ‘werewolf mcwerewolf’ would be the greatest feat in lycanthropic irony the world had ever seen